When Was the Moment
by daxam77
Summary: A little one-shot with grammar thrown out the window because this is how Lois and Clark would internalized their thoughts. Takes place sometime after Clark starts working at the Planet


Title: When was the Moment

Author: daxam77  
Pairing: Lois/Clark  
Rating: G  
Warnings: none  
Spoilers: none

Timeline: Sometime after Clark takes the job at the Planet  
Short summary: A little one-shot with grammar thrown out the window because this is how Lois and Clark would internalized their thoughts.

Disclaimers: DC owns almost every character I care about, well, except one (Zorro). We should all remember the debt we owe to Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster because they began it all. But this take on Clark/Lois is based on the Welling/Durance interpretation.

When Was the Moment

When was the moment I first fell in love with him? Who knows? But it was in _that_ moment that I knew it.

That moment. The one when I knew I loved him and I hated _her_ with every fiber of my being. How could she _do_ that to him!

I don't even remember why I had come to the Kent farm that day. It was probably one of those, spur of the minute, made-up reasons I'm so good at. Hey, it's that kind of thing that makes me a good reporter, right? Why should I be ashamed of that?

Except I am. I'm ashamed of everything I do now that isn't right or perfect or good. Because of him. Somehow he brings that out in people without even meaning to, because you just know he's going to do what's right all the time, every time, no matter what the cost to him, no matter how much it hurts him.

That day, I stood there in the doorway and he turned, the heartbreak written on his face. She used a damn DVD to break it off with him for good, to leave him. I mean, _who_ does that? She didn't even have the guts to tell him to his face, she was out of there. How dare she!

And there was no one there to pick up the smashed, little pieces of his broken heart but me. So I did. I went to him. I held him. I listened to all the soppy things he said that day. I made all the right little comments at just the right times, and it just made me hate her all the more.

Lana.

I've never envied anyone in my entire life. It's totally an alien emotion to me. You've got what you've got, and you just have to make do with it. But him? She had him and I wanted him. Oh yeah, if I'm going to be truthful here, I made a great show of _not_ falling for him. I'm so good at that. Make a joke. Say some sarcastic remark. Even make full barrel insults to someone I secretly fall for. Oh yeah, that's me. But I envied her that _hold_ on him. She hadn't even sought it, but somehow he'd given her a power over him that few women ever have over any man.

And he's not just any man. I know that now. I didn't quite know it then though. He was just this innocent hick of a farm boy. Jeans and plaid shirts, hopelessly dressed in the three primary colors like those were all he knew existed. Wonder if his mom buys all those shirts for him? Maybe it's just his taste. No, his father dressed like that too. Probably a Kent thing.

_The Kent charm_, that's what Martha Kent called it. Some smart lady, let me tell you. She got that one right. It's one of those things that sort of sneaks up on you when you least expect it and then ends by making you crave to be in its presence like someone underwater would crave air. It's a longing that goes deep into your soul and takes root there, never to break its grip no matter what you do, who you date, or any desire you have to be free of it.

I can really understand all those emails I used to get from Chloe now. Unrequited love is a bitch at the best of times, but to have _that_ guy walking around in front of you and _not_ have him – yeah, I totally understand her now.

We joked about Lana once. It was one of those late night pajama parties before I had even met Clark. We were in her bedroom and the subject of Clark came up and, by default, the subject of Lana tagged right along after him. With all the Wall of Weird things she'd told me and strange goings on in Smallville since she arrived there, she wondered if Lana Lang had some meteor rock gift that gave her a hold on all the men around her.

Those meteor abilities seem to give people powers that sometimes have something to do with what the person was doing at the time of exposure.

And what was Lana doing? She was on the cover of Time, dressed as a fairy tale princess. That could be it. She was crying, (what else?) waiting for love from her parents who died when they were hit by a meteor. Maybe she's got pheromone tears or something? Is it so far fetched that she would have been affected that way?

It's possible, I suppose. I've seen a bunch of strange things myself here since then. And, for the life of me, I don't get it otherwise. I mean, she's pretty and petite and smart. She can take care of herself. I've seen her do that, and I had to admire that about her a little. But really, other than that, she's just a bit of …well, vanilla. I mean, she's not drop-dead gorgeous. And she certainly doesn't have a riveting, life-of-the-party personality. She's rather simple in her own way.

Whatever! She was just who a simple farm boy like Clark Kent was supposed to fall for when he was like what? Five? Seven? And then, for some insane reason, it stuck.

Consistency, thy name is Clark Kent!

Oh yeah. I believe that. For all his weirdness, his exceptional strangeness, Clark is a fairly simple guy. Give him meat and potatoes, apple pie and the fourth of July. He's an all American boy with simple tastes. I guess that was one of the ways he succeeding in being normal.

Normal. No, Clark, you're not. As much as you want to be, you are definitely not anywhere near normal. I wish I could convince you of that. I wish I could just go to you and tell you what I've just found out about you and that's it's okay. No, it's more than okay. It's _wonderful_.

_You_ are wonderful.

And normal is way overrated.

But no, I'll sit here and just sip my coffee and work on the latest scandal at City Hall right alongside of you. You'll look up and say something to me in another minute or two. We might even go to lunch together. That would be so nice.

Whoops. Careful there. You're smiling, Lane. He just might see you and ask you what it is you're smiling at and you've have to lie to him again.

********

********

When was the moment I fell in love with her? When did that moment happen?

No, it wasn't just a moment. There were a thousand of tiny moments.

It was a process. A long process for me. I have a lot more emotional baggage than most people, I guess.

But if I had to pick one…

There _was_ one that felt like a jolt of about a million watts of electricity. And on more than one occasion I've actually felt enough electricity course through me to kill an ordinary person.

But I wasn't even me at that moment. I was pretending to be Green Lantern and she kissed me. Man, did she kiss me.

Super speed couldn't get me away from there fast enough. I hadn't counted on something happening like that when I'd agreed to help Oliver. I remember having to stop when I got out of sight of them just to catch my breath. It was like every nerve in my body was on fire, and I'd been jerked awake from a very real dream. Yeah, that was one of those moments.

Another one was that first moment I saw her. In that circle of a scorched corn field in the headlights of her car, I knew she was different. Anyone else would have probably run from the scene before her, but she didn't. No, she plowed right in there and talked to me, or rather him. But he's a part of me, right? So she really was talking to me.

Man, how she talked!

It is still a bit fuzzy. After all, I wasn't really myself that day, but I was there in the background watching the scenes play out in front of someone else's eyes. I watched Kal-El be rude to her, object to just about everything she did, like shrugging off that red blanket she'd draped around my naked body.

_She has seen me naked._ Now, how many people can say that happened the first time they met someone? I can feel myself blushing about it even now. Careful, Kent, she'll see, and then you'll never hear the end of it until you tell her something plausible she can see as the cause.

I'm sick of making up excuses. Is that it? Am I just tired of hiding it from her? Yes, there is that. I wish I could tell her how I have come to feel about her. But I can't. Not yet. I need her to let me have a sign that it's okay to—

Her chair squeaked. She shifted positions and …Is she getting more coffee? Should I offer to get it for her? Maybe lunch? I could suggest lunch.

No, _she_ needs to do that today. I did it yesterday. Give and take, right?

The problem is I never learned to play these stupid relationship games. It was a mistake not dating any more than I did. A stupid mistake. Why did I let the obsession I had with Lana rule so much of my life during high school which is when you learn how to do this sort of thing?

Lana.

She brought the name up again only yesterday. I think she's trying to test me or something. Maybe she's just trying to make fun of me. I can never tell. See! Right there! Dating more people would have taught me these things.

But no, I was so hung up on Lana, I couldn't see anyone else for so long. It was almost as if I was addicted to her. Oh, I love her. I love Chloe and Pete too. I even loved Lex once. They were my friends. My best friends.

Now my best friend is Lois and I don't want her to be. I want more. I just don't know how to do it. How do I change things?

She doesn't make it easy either. I'll bet if you looked up "walls" in some psychology textbook, they'd have a picture of Lois!

It's so not fair. I can do things no one on Earth can do, but I just can't seem to make it past the friend stage with Lois. Why is that? Is it me? Is it her? Is it that obsession she has with the Red/Blue Blur?

It was probably that day, that day that never happened because I used the Legion Flight Ring and reversed time. I told her all about me then. She took it well. She really did. And she was telling me things, right before I did used the ring, things that made me think she was really fine with us…

But it never really happened. Can you base what would happen today on something that might have been in a reality that has now been altered?

No, I had my chances. When Lana left me, I could have turned to Lois. She was just a friend during all that. A good friend.

Okay, back to work. City Hall. Scandal. Quit thinking about her.

********

********

The chair squeaked again.

"What is it?" Clark had looked up from his computer screen.

"Nothing, just a funny email someone sent."

"May I see it?"

"Oh, sorry, already deleted it."

"A shame. Well, how about some lunch?"

"Too early to go yet. But yeah, let's go in about another half hour?"

"Sure."

********

********

And that was it.

He watched as she hid once more behind her computer screen. He could swear she'd moved it since yesterday so it hid her face from him.

She slipped a hand into her right hand desk drawer to get out her compact and check her make-up. _Like it really matters_, she thought, _he never pays any attention to how I look anyway_.

The End


End file.
